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Wednesday, 21 March 2012

He was just unknown to me....

     Today, I dressed up fast and msged him that, reach college as soon as he can for the cet forms.. When Aishu called me up and told that she was in Q at the counter near rajni hall. I reached there and stood in line as they had taken their forms... My eyes were on the entrance for him to come. As i reached the counter i took my form but then i thought that when he'll come he will again have to stand in the long line now formed, so i asked the person if i can take the form of my friend also. He agreed and i took his form along with mine. i thought that he will at least smile and tell thanks and my day will be made. But it never happened the way i thought. He came as i arranged his booklets and form to hold it properly in my hand, i saw him.  He stood in line along with his friends, but i then informed him that their is no need of it as i had already taken them, as i had his registration slip.
     His took them and smile at his friend to show that he got his form without any trouble. I waited their till the time but when noticed him involved with friends, I went away... I went out side the college campus with tears in eyes, as i expected at least a smile from him but he didn't even bothered to do even that or at least thank me for that.  I met my friends at gate and then we planned to go class directly as it was already 11.30.
     We reached in class and were talking nonsense( girls talks) and he entered when sir had already started the lecture. He sat just in the beside row and i could see him from the space of my hairs falling on shoulder.
I wait for you...
I loved him so much.. I missed him...I kept on looking at him and then noticed that I was crying.. Eyes filled with tears and I wanted him to wipe.
     He didn't even noticed it but I felt in between even he tried looking at me. It even hurted when he talked and smiled with my friends sitting beside me towards his side. I wanted to run off to my place.
 but then within the break at 1.30, he went... I don't know where and by giving what reason. It hurted me but then I felt relaxed not being in near to him or in contact visually.. He went but all these thing were disturbing me very much. I cant stay with out him nor now I can stay with him... I was in soup. I wasn't knowing what should I do now?.
 and then I returned home with little chatting with him, I had being asking him my dairies he had and never agreed to give and today he went without giving me back. Actually this was just the reason to talk with him...
 And it hurted me the way he replied my msges when I told him that his exsistance now hurted me and made me angry and irritated, when he asked for what was the reason for my upsetness, he replied that it was my problem and for this what can he do?
    " i hate you pushpak.. i hate you.. i now feel like a torn handkerchief which you used whenever you needed and now just just left as you don't want. You have just destroyed my life.. I hate you.. I hate myself for still loving you. its hot easy to get ride of Ur thoughts...I just feel destroyed..."I msged him with lot of tears which he couldn't see.
     "Maine kal bola ki i don't wanna be together with you as u get hurt and u nt even tried to get me back... I used 2 b back of u 4 months but u not even tried... good.. n remember this lines, Maine bola ki i don't want you any more and now even you don't try to get me back as you said."....
      And along with this many things went along... and it hurted me... i cried out, yelled out in pain. i wanted to talk  to him but he told that he will talk with me tomorrow face to face and answer all my questions but i know if i meet him 2moro, i wll just cry and do nothing good. 
       If he now dont wants me than i should  bother him.. I called sneha, one of my old school friend who now stayed in indore. I had a talk with her, I cried and shared everything i had hided from so many days.. It hurted alot and the worst thing i will have to live with it...
        I had decided to go far from his visual images far that he could never come in my eyes and I could eye him. I will leave this place as each and every corner of this area will always remind me of the lost days in past spent with him. and will keep killing me slowly and steadily...
        I will go and he will never know where I had being gone.. I will be lost like I never exsisted in his life as he now don't want me anymore in his life...
                    Hope he will one day love me back...

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