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Tuesday, 20 March 2012

After a long back i saw him...

          After our 12th exams we never met. I used to talk with him sometimes on call made at night.( as i used to tell him).I cant live with out being in contact with him.
         The last time we talked, we talked for a long while..I thought he would understand and make me come back to him. He will struggle and show me the love he always told he did. but nothing like that happened. He told me we can be friends as he wanted it.. But i cant be as it's not easy and accept everything to be normal and clear. 
        I knew i couldn't live without him and even he knew that more than me...that why i thing he never thought that one day ill chose to live without him.I cried that night and he could feel the pain he gave me i felt but he did nothing...just behaved normal. It hurt-ed me alot. Its really killing me each day and night, living without him.I really miss him alot..
        Today i saw him and same state of my heart, it started beating heavily and fast. it also hurted me and left like crying... He came late in class and i could see him directly when he entered from my place.
          I smiled and mixed up with my friends sitting with me(the JJAB)  but i couldn't stop myself from starring him after a frequent interval of seconds.. I stilled loved him for know matter what happened and what he made feel me, the pain and suffering...
         I wanted to hug him tightly and never let him go and i even did in my dreams as i could still feel his touch left in me. Why it happened and why this had to happen after that?
        He came in contact with me in the corridor of the class but i ignored him and turned and hided to get his image from far. He looked little changed and upset.Do it makes a difference to him when i am far ? or its just because as we had so long relationship, its just easy to be forgotten?
        Whole day i felt upset than and wanted to tell him sorry for my rude behavior but than i thought would that have even minded him even a bit of...?
and at night i couldn't stop myself and i apologized him for my behavior in class. But it felt he didn't even felt of it.
        It hurted me again.. he again asked me for our friendship as he text-ed "....I don't want to be together again..."
and I cried looking at it. i so mad... Really mad and stupid that i still think that he'll one day love me back... but I couldn't except his frindship as it's not easy for me  to deal with it..nor i rejected it as i cant stay without him, without his talks and dont care even i its hurting me each time i talk...
         I hope he one day loves me back...

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